Friday, August 17, 2007

To Tell or Not To Tell

Shhh...I was put into a very difficult situation today. A close friend's family member gave me a call in the morning and wanted to borrow some money. What happened after that does not really matter as it is not the reason for this posting. Anyway, this person specifically told me not to mention it to my close friend. I was really in a dilemma on whether to tell or not to tell. On one hand, telling my close friend felt like I was betraying the family member. On another, not telling felt like I was betraying my close friend.

I then thought, if I was in my close friend's shoes, I would want to know because this may have a big effect on the family.... but still, I wasn't sure on what's the right thing to do. So I consulted a few friends over MSN. Of course in consulting them, I did not mention any names.

One of them told me something which made the bulb on top of my head lit up.

Bulb *Ding*

She said, (well not in her actual words but along this line) "you are friends with your close friend first...therefore your loyalty should be with him/her instead of the family member". Besides that, I looked into my intention and it is noble.... a good indication on what IS the right thing to do.

So, I told my close friend.

I am sure many of us have been put into similar situations before. It could be the case where we saw a friend's spouse or lover being intimate with someone else. It could be the case where we saw someone close to a friend doing something illegal. It could also be the case where we found out some hidden secrets about our friend's family member which could jeopardize their lives.

So what do we do.?... or rather what SHOULD we do? Should we just mind our own business and pretend not to know...even if we know it will affect our friends' lives? Or should we tell them and risk being the catalyst to a broken relationship? I really do not have any answers to these questions... maybe it's really a case to case basis.


So much to consider!!!

I guess for me, I will follow this basic guideline:
First, get things right. Are they facts or merely assumptions or suspicions?
Second, what's my intention of telling... is it noble or based on malicious intent?

Oh... and having some smart friends to consult helps too!!

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